Ask Dr. Rosie

Think about it this way: Each idea that comes through you supports the unfolding of you, Usha, or does it? Here are some questions: What is it you are wanting, Usha? What is the vision for your life and your work? Which ideas support this vision and the work you want to bring into this world? You see, it’s time to get strategic about which ideas you want to follow in service to what you want.

Traveling as a great analogy for this choice-making process. Let’s say I want to go somewhere. I can say “I’d like to go somewhere,” and just leave my house and go. I have an idea to turn left, so I turn left. I have an idea to turn right, so I turn right. This is a wonderful way to travel if I’m not attached to where I want to go.

So, this time, I say “I want to go to Los Angeles, California. Now, I have to assess my ideas and choose which ones are going to get me closer to my destination. An idea to get on a cruise ship that’s going to Alaska pops up. “Boy, that would be fun!” I say to myself. At this moment, I have to choose to either go to Alaska, because it would be fun, or to stay with my original destination to go to LA, and create ideas that will take me in that direction. I have to ask myself what I’m committed to in order to choose to choose what I’m going to choose.

A couple of months ago, when you first wrote me, you wanted to create a thriving business teaching yoga. Is this still true, or is there something else that’s emerging? This is a choice-point. Too often, though we confuse ourselves by following too many masters – having too many wants and not enough time and energy to invest. Sometimes we create ideas to actually sabotage ourselves. If I’m trying to follow lots of ideas I can avoid being successful at the one I say I really want, for you it was a yoga practice.

Perhaps, Usha, all of these ideas are in alignment with your goal to teach yoga. Then, it’s a matter of sitting with all of these ideas and discern which one or ones are most valuable to generate now, and which ones will be more valuable later on. This is where the seven-year old matures into a grown up, making grown up choices.

Putting these ideas into actions
So, the first step was assessing which ideas serve your vision or your destination. Now, to take action is the scary part for many people. Stepping into action means moving towards success. What happens in that moment of stepping into your idea? Notice what shows up when you go to take that first step. Do you get excited or anxious? Do you distract yourself from taking that step by coming up with another idea? What other thoughts and ideas show up. Sometime, self-criticism arises: “Oh, you can’t do that – you can’t make anything happen. You’re too scattered, confused and flaky.” Fear of failure also is a great distractor. In my book, there is no failing; there is just the choosing to succeed at not fulfilling your dreams or goals.

The bottom line, Usha, is this: are your committed enough to take that step? If not, what are you committed to that has you not take that step? Sit with this question and the answers that arise. Write them down, then decide again what it is you are wanting and which steps would take you in that direction. Do you want what you want enough to take action? If not, I encourage you to be patient and compassionate with yourself. You’ll be ready when you are ready and not a moment sooner. As a practice, notice where you do step into action – getting out of bed, taking care of your seven year old child, practicing yoga daily; these are all steps you take in service to your commitments. Just notice that you are already in action. What are you committed to enough that has you take these actions? Keep noticing and acknowledge yourself for accomplishing what you set out to accomplish!

And remember: Choosing no action is as empowering as choosing action. It’s just a matter of what you are committed to.

Blessings,
Rosie

Now, with these thoughts come particular actions that support these thoughts. Actions are not just a doing, but can also be a thinking or a feeling or a body response. If I believe that money is hard to come by, I’m going to feel defeated, stressed and worry that I’ll never be able to work hard enough to make enough. If I judge all rich people to be selfish and unkind and I don’t want to be like them, I’m going to do things to sabotage having money. So, for each of the thoughts, beliefs and judgments we have about money we have a set of actions, feelings and thoughts that we use to support them. Change what you think and your actions will change effortlessly. That is De-stessing!

One more thing: If you are used to looking for and finding how your beliefs are true in the world, you have to change what you are looking for. A lot of people are making a lot of money. Some people make money effortlessly. Rich people are often philanthropists and aren’t selfish at all, and there are millions of women who are self-sufficient, independent and enjoy a wonderful relationship with their partners. Notice where you put your attention and focus on what you want to see as true. It’s a wonderful experience to make true what you believe!

All of this is not new! It’s very easy to enter into this as a practice and it can be very challenging to continue because of our thinking that it should all change instantly! You see? My thinking that it should change instantly is going to set up some expectations and I’m going to start anticipating the money rolling in. And, if it doesn’t, then what am I going to think? I’ll probably begin thinking: I’m not good enough; I’m not doing it right; There’s something wrong with me, etc. With this thinking, then, I start feeling frustrated, depressed, sad, hopeless, anxious, angry, etc. Then, I’m right back where I started.

About three month ago I started a 30 Days to Prosperity program. In the very first day I got the biggest lesson of the whole process. As I was setting up my little workbook I started getting excited about having such incredible abundance raining down upon me. It was fun to think about it and to feel the relief of having all the money I could possible want and all the freedom money could buy me. Then, this little voice came in and said “What if that money doesn’t come raining down? What if not one darn thing changes; then what? This thought became distressing and I found myself wanting to stop the program right there and then. But, I realized that it was really important for me to answer that question: What if the money doesn’t come? What do I have it mean about me if it doesn’t happen? Sitting with my fear and sadness the answer came. The belief underlying so much of my way of being in this world is this: If the money doesn’t come, that means God really doesn’t love me. And, if that’s really true, what am I going to do with that?

Here I am a spiritual teacher and coach, someone who has been on a spiritual path for at least 30 years. I never knew that this little thought was way down inside of me. It has kept me in a constant state of fear and from allowing myself an abundance of prosperity. If I never try to making a lot of money I never have to find out what’s true. So, as good as I am at the work I do, and as much money as I do make, I came to find out that I’m still holding back so I don’t have to find out if God really loves me. How distressing is that?

As grown up as I am, I know that I am loved by God and the Universe. That’s what’s true for me! So, I can now become mindful and start noticing all the ways I hold back or sabotage myself from having financial abundance rain down on me, and, I can let go of my worry about whether I’m loved by God – this is a something I made up when I was just a kid. It doesn’t make sense to keep following this belief as a grown-up.

So, Usha, begin by listing all the things you believe about money, all the thoughts, expectations, assumptions and judgments you have. All of them!!! Then write down all of the actions to take based on your thoughts. Notice which ones work in your favor and are actually de-stressing and which ones are distressing. Decide for yourself which ones you will practice more often and which ones you will let go of – just as a practice. Just notice what shows up – just like I did. Be with yourself – with your feeling and thoughts in a compassionate way. Notice when you want to judge yourself or others, than ask if this supports being de-stressed or distressed? You have the power to choose!

I have written a whole chapter about this in Self-Empowerment 101, with an exercise that will take you through this process, thoroughly. With or without the book, though you have to be willing to practice creating positive thoughts about money and then create actions and strategies to support them.

Have fun!

When we think about our physical needs being met we often think that money is an essential requirement. And, for many of us having money also calms emotional needs for a sense of safety, security and stability. When we think of meeting our spiritual needs, however, more often than not money doesn’t even enter the conversation. From a spiritual perspective, aside from tithing or making donations, money is too often seen as the root of all evil and, like Ginger, we begin to doubt that we have the right to live into our passion or calling and enjoy perhaps more affluence. We become afraid that we are choosing incorrectly and somehow we’ll just reinforce our ego and distract ourselves off our spiritual path.

The dilemma is that, in this multidimensional world we are experiencing a physical reality and a spiritual reality simultaneously. We are both spiritual and physical beings at the same time. Can we choose in such a way that serves both in a good way? If so, how do we choose to choose?
Quite often – but not always, people who choose solely based on their physical and emotional needs and desires come up feeling unfulfilled or empty. Those who follow solely their spiritual needs and desires sometimes, but not always, aren’t grounded enough in the physical world to feel fulfilled in the more “human” domain. Each of us has to be present to that choice point where we have to be clear of what we are wanting, what’s at stake, and, is it worth the price?

In the physical and emotional domains, it is definitely scary to consider leaving a situation where we are comfortable and taken care of. Many individuals in unfulfilling marriages or jobs have to come to terms with “is it worth it” to leave, believing that the security will disappear.

As I write these columns I sometime google quotations from different authors. Helen Keller popped up today. Here’s what she says: “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

Now, if building character is important to you then this statement might spur you to be with your choice-points from a more daring point of view. If safety, security and stability are your higher priority, than Helen’s quote will drive you back to that. Each one of us has to take inventory of what our highest priorities are and then be willing to accept that the path in front of us will bring forth opportunities to fulfill those values. Letting go of the “Yes, buts,” and the “What ifs,” becomes a spiritual practice, doing so in such a way that our emotional and physical limits aren’t triggered into such reaction that we become paralyzed.

Are you willing to do whatever it takes to step into your desires – not knowing the outcome? Are you willing to practice leaps of faith and living without doubt? A leap into faith doesn’t have to be jumping blindly off a cliff. It can be taking just one step towards what you say you want and, most importantly, being with what shows up in that very moment. For me, this is the foundation of every spiritual practice on this planet. Take the step and be with what shows up. If it feels too scary, take a smaller step and get support from a community, support group or coach. Hear the voice in your head that says – “Yes, but, I should be further along;” or “It shouldn’t take this long, there must be an easier way!” You’ll hear many conversations like this; most often that is your ego talking. In these moments you have to choose to choose to choose, in service to what you say you want, whether that’s stability and security or something else. And, there is no right way and no wrong way. It’s just the practice of taking the first step, then taking the next first step.

To answer Ginger’s question specifically: It doesn’t matter if you choose to stay in your current situation or choose to change careers. By truly committing to either you’ll begin a spiritual practice. This will include accepting and allowing what is, letting go of what is no longer, intentionally living into your choice, one moment at a time, and letting go of the conversation that you should have or could have chosen differently. Again, there is no right or wrong way; there is just you choosing to choose what you choose and practice living into that, one step at a time.