Ask Dr. Rosie
May 16th, 2011
As the Paradigm Shifts: E is for Empowerment, Engage and Essence
My experience with life in any business environment is, that these three words empowerment, essence and engage, are the most powerful. They support and enhance personal and professional growth for both you and the business within which you are employed. The degree to which you are engaged with your work and your environment from an empowered perspective is the degree to which you will experience fulfillment and healthy dynamics within the workplace.
In my initial interviews with clients, regardless of their position, I ask: “What are you afraid people are going to find out or decide about you?” In quick order, even top executives will share aspects of their humanity that they are afraid will be found out. They’ll say something like “I’m afraid people will find out that I’m a fraud, that I’m unworthy of my current position; I don’t know as much as people think I know; I’m barely able to cope with the responsibilities I have; I sometimes doubt my capacity to do my job effectively. The list is endless as each of us has our own unique set of truths about ourselves that we want to keep secret.
The next question I ask “What do you do so people don’t find out that you are a (in this case) a fraud, unworthy of your position and the responsibility that comes with it?”
The answers to this question reflect a set of survival strategies, which over time become unconscious mechanisms that in a nutshell we call our personality or our ego. As you can see, our ego is fueled by fear-based precepts that have you believe that you flawed and have to act and be in certain ways in order to avoid being found out. Being found out, for most of us translates into being rejected, humiliated or annihilated.
It takes an incredible amount of effort for our ego’s radar system to constantly be on the lookout for potential slips that could incur being found out.
Imagine the amount of attention you put towards this protective process I call your survival mechanism. It’s much like your computer that is set up with a virus detecting software. It has to be on alert 24/7. In the case of us humans, though we are alert for not only what might be coming in, but more importantly what we might be putting out.
In the business environment too many of us are working and being from our egoic self. What else is there, you might ask?
Imagine if you will, a moment in your life when you are not operating from your fear-based strategies. What’s that like in your body? What’s the quality of the experience you are imagining yourself in? Sometimes it’s challenging for people to remember a time because it’s rare for them to not be stressed, fearful and on alert. However, most people will eventually remember a time or at least begin to sense into what it might be like. When they do they describe the qualities of being in that moment as, light, relaxed, free, creative, playful, fearless, engaged, connecting, open, flexible. This list too is endless as there are so many adjectives to describe this state of being without fear. We know this place; we just don’t visit it often enough.
The fourth question I ask my client is: “What would shift in your relationship to your work and your work environment if you were to coming from freedom, creative, relaxed, . . . instead of stressed, overwhelmed, intimidated, . .? The answers always astound the person answering. “I’d be more accessible to my direct reports, I’d be more engaged in their projects; I’d be less controlling and would delegate more easily. I’d be more fun to be around and I’d support people in being innovative. I wouldn’t be so stressed; I’d also be more willing to leave the office earlier, spending more time with family, friends and myself.
Wow! So by imagining being in a state that is not fear-based all sorts of possibilities show up that may have seemed otherwise impossible.
Once an individual is aware that they actually can choose to choose differently in how to be who they want to be in their work environment they then can begin to exercise muscles that will help them generate from this newfound freedom, fun and flexibility.
You would think that once experienced and revelation has occurred that people would actually empower themselves to choose to begin the process of shifting from fear-based choice-making to what I call essence-based choice-making. This brings us back to that essential dilemma of wanting what is desirable, at the same time wanting to avoid what is undesirable. For those committed to bringing spirituality into business there is will be the conflicting commitment of wanting to avoid repercussions. Again, those four basic questions need to be asked: “What are you afraid people will find out or decide about you; what do you do in order to have them not find that out; what qualities arise when you remember your vision of having the desired outcome; an lastly what would shift if you were to be that now? What choices would you make and what actions would you take in alignment with that choice?
This line of questioning consistently brings the individual in direct alignment with their essence of being, and empowers them to engage in actions that will bring about the desired outcome.
I totally understand how terrifying it is to consider being in your essence, especially in the workplace. Rarely are we seen or acknowledged for our essence-self. However, we are not our survival strategies, they change as our circumstances change; we are not our ego either. If that were true we would never ever experience those moments when we know ourselves beyond or fear and limitations. It doesn’t make it any less scary.
This brings me back to my original introduction when I defined spirituality as the practice of faith-leaping; exercising muscles that allow you to consider the possibility of shifting from the perspective that life is scary, to, life is a daring adventure or it is nothing – as Helen Keller said. Engaging with your life as a daring adventure requires thoughtful presence to what it is you’ve come here to do and to be.
At some point you will realize you don’t have a choice but to begin to get those muscles in shape. It isn’t a matter of if, it is a matter of when you’ll empower yourself to engage in living into your essence of being and living your life totally on purpose.
Dr. Rosie
May 5th, 2011
As the Paradigm Shifts: D is for Dignity…
Whether self-employed, employed by organizations, whether retired or unemployed, we all engage with companies and organizations that support us or we support them. In our interactions with these organizations, what we are wanting is to experience qualities of dignity, first and foremost. This means being treated as a sovereign individual of value, worthy of respect. I want people to communicate authentically, with curiosity and interest.
Disheartened by too many disappointments with customer service representative, HR people and boss who have an agenda above and beyond the notion treating us as human beings, we’ve come to choose to cloak ourselves in various armor-styles. Through this strategy we attempt to mitigate the experience of being disempowered, triggered by attitudes and environments that are less than safe.
Consequences of stressful conversations and working environment are such that each of us actually empower ourselves to choose ways of being that are disempowering. We choose to lower our heads, withdraw and withhold, generating far less creativity, innovation, engaged sharing, often precipitating depression and demoralizing environments.
We are all affected by our own unique ways of empowering ourselves to disempower ourselves. That sounds confusing but it is none-the-less accurate. We want to blame others and remain unconscious as to how we are creating our own demise. Denial is the word that comes to mind, the letters stand for Don’t Even Know I am Lying.
Certainly we are affected by other people’s attitudes, moods and actions. At the same time, it’s important to get that they are also very much affected by our own. Our tendency is to want others to change so we can feel safe enough to then change too.
Quite often people are angered by my suggesting that we are not victims to our circumstance, that somehow we are collaborators and colluding with the enemy; that we are responsible for the abuse that is perpetrated upon us. My job is to provide an environment, in this case through my writing, where people can feel safe enough to being exploring possibilities beyond this current paradigm, which doesn’t allow deeper examination of the role we play within abusive environments.
Distinguishing what it is you are committed to will facilitate a conversation that either generates a discovering process or a disempowering process. This is in alignment with our previous discussion regarding commitments and conflicting or underlying commitment. Disclosing both reveals patterns and processes that we are unlikely aware of, yet present powerful and devastating outcomes.
D is for Dilemma,
I spoke about this in my previous blog, that we are wanting change in our work environment and at the same time we are fearful of the consequence for being the change you are wanting. This creates a dilemma and precipitates a critical choice-point in just about every arena of our lives not just in the workplace. Again, getting clear about what you want and the degree to which you are committed to what you want can mean you begin to detach yourself from the perspectives and interpretation by which you have been living, being and acting. Through detachment you create a more expanded capacity to witness yourself making choices that aren’t in alignment with your own commitment. You begin to distinguish your actions from your thoughts, and intently choose to choose in alignment with what you are wanting.
Detach from Fear
At the New Living Expo, where I spoke about spiritual wounding in the workplace, there were many individuals present who experienced such disappointment, depression, dejection through their workplace. As we spoke it became clear that they needed to become their own advocate; not just in standing up for themselves but by noticing how they may be contributing to their workplace being less than optimal.
One woman asked – “What are some things I can practice before going into a meeting where I feel less than?” I encouraged her to sit quietly and get clear with her intentions – what it is she really wanted from the conversation, and then to feel the quality of that experience in her body of having it already. In this way she can truly embody her intention, and when embodied she’d be more than likely to follow through. Otherwise, the anxiety and fear precipitated by her conflicting commitment would take over and she would lose her nerve and withdraw.
A second person shared that he had used this particular practice and had experienced positive results. He shared that he’d followed through because he was able to stay in alignment with his intention by staying in this embodied experience.
Again, we have to be willing to detach from thoughts that precipitate sensations of anxiety and other discomforts. Habitually we act from these body sensations, hence it’s important to distinguish when we are acting from the and when we are acting from our intention. We know it in our bodies.
Domain of Humanity
I want to be clear with you that we choose to choose what we choose based on the ground of being we stand upon; the precepts of which are either fear-based or essence-based. These precepts reside in the Domain of Humanity.
Utilizing our personal power, we choose from fear or from non-fear. Our current paradigm is fraught with fear-based realities that we presume to be true. Can we detach ourselves from these fear-based thoughts enough to allow possibility to reveal itself? Can we allowing ourselves to expand our comfort zone to include what has yet to be conceived as real in our own thinking?
A fundamental practice that empowers this exploration is to distinguish the roots of your choice-making, within the Domain of Humanity. Just through noticing what is occurring in your body – those sometime very subtle tensions or releasing, you can reveal to yourself whether the current choice in founded on fear or founded on essential wisdom. Only through practice will you be able to reveal fascinating choice-making processes that empower you, in the long run, to self-generate dignity. Enjoy the exploration!
Dr. Rosie
August 31st, 2010
Creating a Business in Times of Uncertainty
From Sharon, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Dear Dr. Rosie,
I’m focusing on getting my business off the ground. And, at the same time there is so much talk about an economic meltdown; I just don’t know what to do. Should I stay under my covers where I feel safe and wait for it all to do what it’s going to do or should I move forward with my intention and hope for the best?
Your articles are written in such a way that they have a spiritual quality to them without being too religious or too woo-woo. This makes me feel comfortable asking you this question. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
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Thank you Sharon.
You ask an important question, one that I think is on a lot of people’s minds.
There is so much fear these days. I’ve heard it said that we’ll soon be going to hell in a hand basket. Man, that can make anyone feel anxious and terrified; it makes sense that you’d want to hide under your covers, with that kind of talk going around.
For every one who predicts the hell-in-a-hand basket outcome there are just as many who predicts things will turn around in time. You get to decide which truth you want to create. With the science of quantum physics proving that our thinking creates our reality, I ask you Sharon, which reality will you create. This way of thinking challenges our normal version of reality, and it challenges us to exercise muscles that will work in our favor regardless of what we hear.
It’s important to consider though, that these conversation related the economic situation aren’t that different than those conversations going on inside our own heads; the ones that have us question whether we can or should move ahead on a project. We have as many nay-sayers in our heads as there are outside our heads. It doesn’t matter whether it’s in the media or just in our heads, we have to choose to choose what we want to be true and live into it as if it is true, until it is true. Does that make sense?
Our world needs to empower every individual on this planet to say “Yes I Can!” We need to empower our children, our friends, family members, employees, even our employers to move in the direction of their hearts desire, their passion and their vision. Clarifying your intentions about what you want to fulfill, then living into your intention, regardless of the outcome, is essential.
While living and traveling aboard a sailboat, during a particularly severe storm, there was a possibility that the boat might sink and we would all die. My choice in that moment was to either do everything I could to keep the boat afloat or go down to my bunk and wait for death to take me. I chose to live into my intention to do whatever I could to keep myself safe and help keep the boat from sinking. I feel so good that I was courageous enough to make that choice.
Quite often, as I begin to move toward my desired outcome, anxiety surfaces. Anxiety makes me feel really uncomfortable. I want to avoid the discomfort of that experience. If I do something to avoid the anxiety more than likely I distract myself for a very long time. What I’ve had to learn to do is be with the discomfort of the anxiety while I continue to move forward with my projects. Much like sailing in that storm, where I was really terrified, I had to keep moving forward in order to save the boat and my life.
Sometimes we have to feel the fear, the anxiety, the anger or sadness and do what we have to do, just because we have to!
I want you to consider that one way or the other you’ll be making choices about your career. What choices will you make based on worry, fear and anxiety? What choices will you make based on confidence, courage and clarity of intention? Which of these choices will move you in the direction you want to go? Are there choices that can have you move at a speed that supports momentum yet doesn’t feel too risky? In a sense, do you require a bit of both/and, meaning moving forward while maintaining a safe speed toward your destination – that which you say you want?
Last week I talked about faith, which needs to be practiced whatever it is we are having to be with. Every time we move out onto the edge of our comfort zone we have to practice faith, we have to be with the “I don’t know how to do this” experience over and over again. As long as we are moving into our desires, wants and our needs we’ll have to be edging ourselves out, expanding our comfort zone. The outcome of this practice is that life gets easier to be with, so does change and transformation?
We can’t help but be anxious about uncertainty. And, at the same time we can begin to see that uncertainty is all there is. In doing so, we can then come to a place of acceptance about uncertainty; perhaps grieve the loss of what we thought was certain, and learn to be more at peace with what is. This is big work, Sharon, but I’m pretty sure it’s part of what all of us, and I do mean all of us, need to accept.
So many areas of the world are war-torn, poverty stricken, full of disease and death. The certainty of affluence that you and I have known here in North America has been a gift. I’m not sure that it is a right, as we’ve come to believe. I can practice gratitude for all that I’ve been provided and at the same time, begin to cultivate ways of being with uncertainty that allows me serenity and peace.
Here are a couple of things to do in support of this process. First, create a business plan. Start with the intentions of this business; this includes: What is your vision for this business, what is it here to serve? Write down all the intentions you have. Then, write down the various ways to serve these intentions. Also create a timeline of when you will put these ways into practice. Create a financial plan for yourself – how much money do you need to run your business, how much money to you want to be making as a profit. Consider how much money you’ll need to support you while you are birthing and growing your business. Keep it simple enough that you can take the steps required to fulfill your intentions, yet not too big that you feel overwhelmed. Just pace yourself, and, as I always encourage, get a coach or a thinking partner to keep you on track.
Bottom line for living with uncertainty? Listen to your heart!
Blessings,
Rosie
Author of Self-Empowerment 101
http://www.dailyom.com/cgi-bin/courses/courseoverview.cgi?cid=68